If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
