Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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