I think i sorta joined a cult last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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