Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize