I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Even my vagina gasped.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
