Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
