you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
