The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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