Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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