Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
