Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
