turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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