I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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