He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
