Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dicks are not precious.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
