I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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