There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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