isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
