the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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