Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize