i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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