found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
