Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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