Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
