So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
