Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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