For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
