i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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