Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize