my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
