Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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