I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
