This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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