Only a mothe r could love this liver
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
