Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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