I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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