Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
