Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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