Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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