You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
