I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize