Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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