It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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