I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
