You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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