his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
