saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
