I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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