the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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