i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
