he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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