It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
