There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
