I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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