oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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