OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
