Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
