I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
