I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize