i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
