He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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