me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
