y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
