first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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