I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
