Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
