just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
