i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
