If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
