There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
