I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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