It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize