I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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